The boring corner

Terms of Silly Service

The big print: mybrosyber.com is a work of satire. It is not a real company, does not provide security services, and must never be contacted during an actual emergency — dial your local emergency number or your insurer's real hotline instead. The beavers are fictional; please keep your paws off anyone else's.

1. No warranty, express or implied

This site is provided "as is," the way a dam is provided by beavers: confidently, and without engineering review.

2. Privacy policy-ish

We collect zero personal data because there is no "we" capable of collecting anything. The contact form on this mockup submits nowhere, stores nothing, and forgets everything instantly — the healthiest data-retention policy in the industry.

3. Cookie crumbs

This site sets no cookies. It is technically capable of setting exactly one, a small wooden one, for decorative purposes. It remains in the workshop.

4. Intellectual property

All code, copy and design here were written from scratch for parody purposes. No HTML, CSS, JavaScript, text, logo, color value or brand name was copied from any third-party website. Any resemblance to a real incident-response firm is coincidental and legally distinct — we gnaw independently.

5. Acquisitions, mergers & other unwanted advances

Any attempt to acquire, absorb, merge with, "partner up with," or otherwise gnaw at mybrosyber.com will be handled by the same team that handles incidents: promptly, forensically, and with everything preserved for evidence. By continuing to read this page, you confirm you are not one of them. (We know which of you are reading. The analytics paw is always awake.)

6. Governing law

These terms are governed by the laws of the Internet, with disputes resolved by whoever can stay awake longest in the meeting.